John Phillip Bogulski & Tarrah Lee Curtis

Bright Eyes – Lover I Don’t Have To Love

As it’s clear from the title, this song isn’t exactly romantic. Over the years I’ve listened to it a lot While ultimately, yes, I wanted a lover to love, a lot of times it felt like that was never going to happen, and this song is the best and will remain the best for listening when you feel like you’ve been fucked over by love. To be fair, it’s really not love’s fault. It’s the awful people you open your heart to. There are two guys this song makes me think of. My first love (which in retrospect might not have been love, but trying telling an 18 year-old that) got me into this band. So hearing this song obviously made me think of him a little bit, but it really makes me think of a guy further down the line when I got to LA and had the song on a CD in my car. It was in my car initially just because I love the song. The lyrics are just fantastic. For one, it’s about feeling like a relationship will never happen and just wanting the closeness with another human being. In the song he says, “I want a girl who’s just out to give a fuck” and “I want a boy who’s so drunk he doesn’t talk.” So whatever your sexual orientation, you can (theoretically) relate. It’s nice when you’re confused about your sexual orientation to have a song you can be angry to, relate to, and not have to think about your confusion while doing it. The song also says: “Love’s an excuse to get hurt/And to hurt/Do you like to hurt?/I do, I do/Then hurt me.” I can’t even say how many times I’ve heard this song and shouted the lyrics. In particular with guy #2. I hated this guy so much, still wanted to be with him, and hated myself for wanting that, so that’s why this song helped. I would usually play it over and over again driving back from his place while hating myself. I once attended a party at his place with a friend, and on the way back she politely let me play this song and quietly sat (probably in fear) whie I kept singing this song and slowly made myself feel better. The song made me think, “Hey, avoid him. He is making you lose the capability for caring for anyone, but I guess this song tells me that’s okay.” I’m not saying this song made me into a cold-hearted emotionless sex addict, but at times when I acted like that, I let this song tell me it wasn’t the end of the world, and I didn’t have to hate myself. So obviously, the experience made me a little fucked up but also grateful that a song like this exists. At the times when I needed it the most, it channeled my anger, hatred, and depression into a nice little outlet. And if I ever need a reminder on why I hate that guy, this song will do the trick. Every time.